By Aly Sutton
Our most powerful tool for nurturing generous, cooperative children is play. Through play, especially play that involves taking turns, your little one learns about fairness, patience, and empathy. When your child learns to pause, pass, and alternate during play, they’re building the foundation for sharing - both feelings and possessions - in every aspect of life. This begins early with your first peekaboo games in infancy and develops into the elaborate pretend-tea parties and ‘space missions’ of preschool. Each playful interaction offers a gentle lesson in how taking turns leads to cooperation and sharing.
Babies
Even in the earliest months, your baby is already practicing turn-taking, which sets the stage for sharing later. Researchers refer to this as the “serve and return” pattern: you smile or coo at your infant, and they respond with a smile. By around four to six months, babies engaged in simple turn-taking games like peekaboo begin to anticipate each pause and reappearance. They learn that when you hide your face, it’s “their turn” to react. They might do this by raising their eyebrows or with a delighted squeal. This is the basic principle behind taking turns. Over time, these routines help your child understand that waiting and responding are part of every enjoyable exchange. In other words, when you pause to let your baby “reply,” you’re not only enjoying a sweet bonding moment together, but also planting the seeds for sharing.
Toddlers
As toddlers approach age two, they start to understand turn-taking more concretely with gentle guidance. At this age, children view the world from their own perspective and will often see something they are interested in and just grab it. It may not be their toy or their turn to use it. This is not ‘bad’ behaviour – we need to understand that it is a healthy expression of interest and excitement. Sharing will come in time. Simple, guided games can help your little one practice: for instance, sitting in a circle and passing a stuffed animal while waiting for the “pass” to reach them.
Between ages two and three, sharing still feels uncertain for many children. When a playmate reaches for their favourite truck, a toddler might panic, thinking, “If I let them play with it, I’ll never get it back.” This is where turn-taking can gently ease their fear. Acknowledge your little one’s feelings first: “I see how much you love that truck. It’s hard to let someone else play with it.” Then suggest a brief turn-taking interval: “Let’s use the timer so you can have the truck for one more minute. When the timer goes off, it will be Sam’s turn, and then you’ll have it again after that.” By framing sharing as a temporary arrangement, you help your child see that waiting means they’ll eventually get it back.
Preschoolers
When children turn three, they begin to grasp the broader idea of fairness. At this stage, structured turn-taking games with simple rules become very valuable. Research shows that structured play with clear turn-taking helps three-year-olds internalise fairness: they realise that waiting is part of the game and that everyone should have an equal chance. At home, you can introduce easy board games that require rolling a die or taking turns placing puzzle pieces. When your child follows the rule, praise them by saying something like “You waited so nicely for your turn. That was very fair!”
Imaginative pretend play also builds sharing skills through turn-taking. In pretend scenarios, sharing often looks like dividing roles and props: “I’ll be the doctor if you’ll be the patient,” or “Let’s both use the pirate ship, first you steer, then I’ll steer.” Studies have found that by encouraging these cooperative make-believe games, three- and four-year-olds show more helpful behaviors, build better friendships, and stronger turn-taking abilities.
Finally, as children approach ages four and five, they become more empathetic, understanding how others feel. When they collaborate on a puzzle or build a block tower together, they start to see that “we did this as a team,” and sharing turns and rewards becomes natural. Research has shown that when children work towards a common goal as a team, they share gladly. At home, you might invite siblings or friends to bake cookies together: one child measures the flour while the other stirs. When the cookies are ready, enjoy sharing the treat!
Managing Challenges
Even as children grow more socially aware, there will still be moments of frustration when they feel a turn is unfair or fear they won’t get their chance. In these times, your calm, understanding presence can make all the difference. Instead of scolding them, try acknowledging their feelings: “I know you feel upset because Ahmed took the car you wanted.” Then gently redirect: “Let’s set a one-minute timer, and you can play with the block when the timer goes off. In the meantime, maybe we can build the road for your car to drive on?” By validating their emotions, offering a clear plan for waiting, and suggesting an alternative activity, you help them regulate big feelings. Over time, they realise that taking turns and sharing leads to more enjoyable and fair play.
References
Chatzipanteli, A., & Adamakis, M. (2022). Social interaction through structured play activities and games in early childhood. In P. Gil-Madrona (Ed.), Handbook of Research on Using Motor Games in Teaching and Learning Strategy (pp. 80–99). IGI Global.
Hamann, K., Warneken, F., Greenberg, J. R., & Tomasello, M. (2011). Collaboration encourages equal sharing in children but not in chimpanzees. Nature, 476(7360), 328–331.
Jaggy, A.-K., Kalkusch, I., Burkhardt Bossi, C., Weiss, B., Sticca, F., & Perren, S. (2023). The impact of social pretend play on preschoolers’ social development: Results of an experimental study. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 64, 13–25.
Nomikou, I., Leonardi, G., Radkowska, A., Rączaszek-Leonardi, J., & Rohlfing, K. J. (2017). Taking up an active role: Emerging participation in early mother–infant interaction during peekaboo routines. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1656.
Parrott, H. M., & Cohen, L. E. (2020). Advocating for play: The benefits of unstructured play in public schools. School Community Journal, 30(2), 229–254.
